By Harley Quinn

In order for people to understand the intricacies of today’s stock market, I thought it would be helpful to provide definitions that have emerged from today’s market environment.

CEO-Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO-Corporate Fraud Officer

Bull Market-A random market movement causing the investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Bear Market– A six to sixteen month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.

Value Investing– The art of buying low and selling lower.

Broker– What your broker has made you.

Stock Analyst– The idiot who just down-graded your stock.

Stock Split– When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between them.

Financial Planner– A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

Market Correction– The day after you buy your stocks.

Cash Flow– The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

Yahoo– What you yell after you sell it to some poor sucker for $240 a share.

Windows– What you jump out of when you are the one who bought Yahoo for $240 a share.

Institutional Investor– Past year investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.

Profit– An archaic word no longer in use.

Standard and Poor– Your life in a nutshell.

I hope these new definitions have been helpful. Would you be interested in some shares of Yahoo? I’ll give you a great price.