NEW DEFINITIONS FOR THESE ECONOMIC TIMES
By Harley Quinn
In order for people to understand the intricacies of today’s stock market, I thought it would be helpful to provide definitions that have emerged from today’s market environment.
CEO-Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO-Corporate Fraud Officer
Bull Market-A random market movement causing the investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Bear Market- A six to sixteen month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry and the husband gets no sex.
Value Investing- The art of buying low and selling lower.
Broker- What your broker has made you.
Stock Analyst- The idiot who just down-graded your stock.
Stock Split- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between them.
Financial Planner- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
Market Correction- The day after you buy your stocks.
Cash Flow- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
Yahoo- What you yell after you sell it to some poor sucker for $240 a share.
Windows- What you jump out of when you are the one who bought Yahoo for $240 a share.
Institutional Investor- Past year investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
Profit- An archaic word no longer in use.
Standard and Poor- Your life in a nutshell.
I hope these new definitions have been helpful. Would you be interested in some shares of Yahoo? I’ll give you a great price.