Dear Chuck,I play the horses for a living. Lately, my luck has turned sour. I’m into my bookie for a lotta dough. He turned my account over to Guido Libido Associates which guarantees collection one way or the other. Now, I’m not asking you for 700 billion, just a measly couple o’ hundred large so I can pay the vigorish. In return, you can have all my losing tickets. You might be able to pawn them off on successful horseplayers who need a tax deduction. Who knows? You could even make a buck or two down the road.
If you don’t bail me out, the whole racing industry could go inna terlit. Revenue to the State of New York from OTB would go down, illegal aliens working on the backstretch would get fired, a lotta horses would just be hangin’ out wit’ nuttin’ to do and the mushroom growers would have to look elsewhere for horse manure. Maybe they can tap into the surplus in Washington.
Whadaya say Chuckie Boy? As one guy from Brooklyn to anudder, do ya think you could help me out? After all, I don’t have to remind you about how much I sent to your campaign, do I? If you come through for me, I’ll be able to keep bettin’. I got a lock on the fifth at Belmont tomorrow but my bookie won’t give me any credit unless I can unload my bad debts on you guys.
I nervously await your reply.
I am in your debt (and in a lot of other people’s),